How to start a conversation with someone you’ve never met.

Do you ever feel like a wilting wallflower in the corner?

Unseen and ignored. I’d moved to a new city and attended a social gathering where I didn’t know anyone. I’d told myself I needed to meet new people, so here I was. But I spent the evening in the corner on my phone. 

I wanted desperately for someone to come up and talk to me.

I realized I'd need to be the one initiating conversations.

I didn't know what to say. The words weren’t trapped in my mouth, I didn’t have any words. I was afraid of looking weird and feeling awkward. Plus, everyone seemed to be busy talking to others.

I didn’t want to intrude.

But I'd had enough, I needed to do something about it.

I challenged myself then to go through 30 days of rejection therapy. I forced myself to go up to strangers, talk to them, risk embarrassment, and overcome my fear of rejection. I approached men, women, individuals, groups, bored people and busy people. Through it all, I experimented with dozens of ways of introducing myself.

Once I found what worked and what felt comfortable, It surprised me how easy it was. 

I started talking to strangers everywhere.

I started conversations with people on the bus, in line, at the coffee shop, library, and on the streets. Making friends became way easier. People wanted to get to know me after they saw how confident I was approaching them.

Knowing the right words to say instantly boosted my confidence.

Today I start 80% of my introductions the same way.

Since moving to a new city a year ago I’ve started conversations with 100s of people.

Here are the best ways to start a conversation with anyone, anywhere:

5 confident ways to start a conversation with anyone without being awkward.

Starting conversations with individuals

1. “Hi, I don’t think we’ve met yet I’m NAME”

This is the easiest way to introduce yourself to someone at social gatherings. It acknowledges this as a place where strangers meet.

It also suggests you’re a social person meeting lots of people, making you more interesting in their eyes.

2. “Hey I know this is super random but you seemed interesting so I wanted to meet you. I’m NAME”

I love this one. It's simple, honest, and to the point.

You can use it at a party, an event, walking down the street, or at the bus stop. Introducing yourself in a non-social environment can feel weird to some people. You need to show them you aren't out of touch.

Acknowledging your introduction as random puts people at ease.

Your boldness with startle some people but they will respect you for it.

3. “Hey, I saw your XYZ and I had to meet you. I’m NAME”

If something about the person stands out (Clothing, Accessories, Attitude) you can make it the reason you wanted to talk to them. 

Ex.

“Hey, I saw your stylish hat and I had to meet you. I’m Justus”

“Hey, I saw you’re Star Wars shirt and I had to meet you. I’m John”

“Hey, you seemed fun so I had to meet you, I'm Justin”

This is great because it opens with an indirect compliment and gives you something to talk about. 

Starting conversations with groups

4. “Hey, I don’t mean to interrupt but you guys seemed interesting so I wanted to meet you”

Often groups will be in discussion. Be sure to speak up and acknowledge the interruption. This way you won't annoy people for being inconsiderate.

After your introduction, you need to get accepted into the group BEFORE starting a conversation.

You get accepted by shaking hands and getting the names of everyone in the group. Once you’ve acknowledged everyone you can begin talking to the group.

Don’t be surprised when the group starts showing you, this bold new member, a lot of interest. 

5. “Hey, I don’t mean to interrupt but is this where the cool people hang out?”

This is a compliment disguised as a question. By making people feel good about themselves you make them feel good about you.

After their answer immediately follow up with “Hi I’m Name” and shake everyone's hands. 

You might find these introductions feel weird coming out of your mouth. Of course they will, you’ve never strung these words together before.

• Start by saying them out loud to yourself.

• Tweak them to make them sound like you.

• Force yourself to say it to another human being. 

After a few tries it becomes part of your vocabulary and you can use it to talk to anyone. 

Once you start using these you're way ahead of most people.

But it's one piece of the puzzle.

If you want to learn how to keep the conversation going you can check out my guide: 📢 Never run out of things to say ever again.

If you’re afraid of approaching and starting a conversation you can overcome your anxiety by reading: 📢Here's what everyone actually thinks about you.

You have the knowledge.

But you won’t have learned anything until you use it yourself. 

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