The #1 thing I learned from 30 days of embarrassment.

Over 30 days, I challenged myself to do increasingly embarrassing things.

Including:

• Hold up a FREE HUGS sign

• Go to McDonald's and order a Hawaiian Pizza

• Signing as loud as I can walking down the street

All for 1 reason:

To prove to myself no one cares and free myself from social anxiety.

It started (and maybe you can relate):

As I lay awake one night losing sleep over an embarrassing moment I was remembering. I worried everyone was thinking about how embarrassing I was. It was routine at this point. But one night I tried something else.

I tried to think of one embarrassing thing someone else did...

I couldn’t think of anything!

Which meant 1 of 2 things

1. If I couldn’t think of anyone else's embarrassing moments it meant others weren’t thinking of mine. 

Or

2. I’M THE ONLY EMBARRASSING PERSON IN THE WHOLE WORLD AND EVERYONE IS THINKING ABOUT HOW MUCH OF A WEIRDO I AM!!!

The second was unlikely, so I stopped losing sleep.

This is the spotlight effect

It describes our tendency to think people notice us more than they do. Since we’re always thinking about ourselves we believe others are also thinking about us. 

It’s the source of a lot of anxiety for a lot of introverts.

It makes people's eyes feel like balls and chains weighing you down. It stops you from:

• Approaching that person.

• Talking to that stranger.

• Telling that joke.

• Sharing your opinion.

• Pursuing your interests.

• and so. much. more.

Other people's disapproval can feel like death. It's also the biggest thing stopping you from living the life you want, instead of the one laid out for you.

But the truth is:

People aren’t thinking about you, and that’s a good thing

My mom once confessed to a co-worker:

"I worry people are judging me after they meet me"

She said: “That's rather self-centered. You think people spend much time thinking about you?”

People are too focused on their own lives to be thinking about you. 

Their car needs repair, their boss yelled at them, their friend isn’t answering their text, their dog is sick, they have a doctor's appointment coming up, their favorite TV show got canceled… etc

There's no headspace for them to give your actions a second thought.

The same goes for great achievements.

A little over a month ago was the anniversary of Queen Elizabeth's death.

She was the longest-reigning monarch in history and had more wealth than most can imagine.

Yet you haven't thought about her until this email.

If people aren't thinking about her in their day-to-day you can be sure people aren’t thinking about you.

Few people notice what you do and those who do don't care.

• When you spill your drink, no one cares

• When your joke doesn’t land, people forget about it 5 minutes later

• When you have a bad hair day, those who notice don’t give it a second thought.

Imagine a world where you could do almost anything and people would forget about it 5 minutes later. 

Stop imagining. It’s the world we live in. 

But knowing no one is thinking about you doesn’t magically cure social anxiety. It's something you need to prove to yourself.

Once you start proving it to yourself you start to believe it.

Then you can start living life without the eyes of others weighing you down.

I proved it to myself by doing 30 days of embarrassment. I'd encourage you to do the same. But that's a big ask.

Here is something small to get you started:

P.S. I’d love to get some written feedback on your honest opinion of the newsletter. How easy is my writing to understand? Did anything confuse you?