How to murder awkward silences and never run out of things to say.

An awkward silence makes you feel like melting away.

I was so used to these I had I had a whole routine. An awkward silence was my cue to come up with some reason I needed to leave. I’d have to go to the bathroom, get a drink or pretend to make a call. I'd repeat this with every interaction.

By the end, I'd be in the corner on my phone.

Being a social recluse starting feeling worse than embarrassing myself.

I decided to practice talking to strangers. Every time I left the house I tried talking to strangers. I asked the cashier about their day, made conversation with people on the bus, and complimented a guy's shoes at a street corner.

Since then I’ve tackled over 1000 strangers and have had some great conversations.

Today, I don’t hit conversational roadblocks like I used to.

Using a few basic techniques learned to keep a conversation going forever. 

I’ve broken down everything here:

4 simple techniques that let you talk forever and be engaging in conversation.

1. Lower your filter

Overthinking what to say next is the biggest roadblock to conversion.

With you’re friends you don’t run out of things to say because you don’t filter everything. Treating people like friends makes them treat you like a friend.

Practice blurting out the first thing that comes to mind.

• Your honest opinion on the subject.

• The questions nagging at the back of your head.

• Whatever you're reminded of.

• The interesting fact you learned.

What’s holding you back is worrying others are judging what you say.

The truth is people won't remember what you say to them, only how you make them feel. They’re too busy thinking about their own problems to be thinking about you. But if you make them feel bored by staying quiet they will remember you as a boring person.

If you make them feel engaged by saying what's top of mind, they’ll remember you as an engaging person.

But what if it's a boring subject?

No subject is too boring. In school, the material didn’t make the class good or bad, the teacher did. An invested teacher makes the students invested. A bored teacher bores the students. 

As long as you sound interested in what you’re talking about, others will be too.

2. Use Labeling Instead of questions

A lot of conversations end up feeling like a job interview.

One person asks questions. The other answers them. It can get stale fast. What’s much more engaging is labeling 

Instead of asking the question, guess the answer and label the person. 

For instance:

• “What do you do?” becomes “You look creative, you must have an artistic job”

• “Where are you from?” becomes “You look like a city girl”

• “How long have you known each other?” becomes “You guys look like old friends”

All you’re doing is making an educated guess.

But only ever assume something positive about the person. It’s like an under-the-radar compliment. The only thing people love more than talking about themselves is hearing about themselves. 

This is more engaging than questions ever will be. 

The best part:

It always works even if your assumption is wrong.

There’s no failing. Every assumption you make gets 1 of 3 responses:

1. You’ll be wrong and they’ll correct you.

2. You’ll be wrong and they’ll ask what made you say that.

3. You’ll be right and they'll be amazed by how perceptive you are.

If you’re wrong they’ll answer the question your label was based on. Some will propel the conversation forward by asking you what made you say that.

If you're right, you'll wow them with how perceptive you are. This builds immediate rapport and impresses them. 

I once told a girl I thought she looked artistic. 

Turn out she was in art school and I amazed her with my intuition (I guessed based on her colourful clothes). 

She couldn't get over it, she even introduced me to other people signing my praises.

Use assumptions as much as possible.

If you're about to ask a question requiring a factual answer, switch it out for a label.

Nobody does this but people love it.

3. Grab onto threads.

Looking out for conversational threads makes conversations 10X easier. Threads are topics brough up people can grab onto and build off.

If someone said:

“I’m going to the cottage this weekend with my family to do some fishing”

You have several threads you can build off. You can build a conversation about the cottage, their family or about fishing. Every answer gives you more to work with

With every thread, you can ask follow-up questions or talk about what the thread reminds you of.

You can also make it easier for other people to talk to you by leaving several threads in your answers.

If someone asks you “Where are you from”

Answering “Toronto” is little for them to work with

If instead, you answered:

“Toronto, I like the big city, you're close to a lot of cool restaurants but I do wish I was closer to some hiking spots”

You make it easier because now they can ask about Toronto, restaurants and hiking.

4. Being random is better than being boring

People think conversations need to follow a logical path with everything building off what came before.

But socializing has no script to follow. Sometimes conversations die out.. Instead, it's better to change the topic to something fresh even if it feels random.

Use statements instead of generic questions. 

• Comment on the surroundings and what it reminds you of.

• Say something about yourself.

• Talk about an experience.

• Ask an interesting question

For Instance:

• That tree looks like the one I used to climb as a kid.

• I’ve always wanted to go sailing.

• I went camping and saw a bear this past summer.

• Someone asked me this the other day. What's the best song to play at your funeral?

These will feel random because they are. But being random is better than being boring. 

P.S. Which of these techniques did you like the most? Email me back a number 1,2,3 or 4 to indicate which one you liked the most.