How to become easy and engaging to talk to (with just 2 simple tweaks to your conversation.)

Have you ever started talking to someone but all they give are one-word answers?

I started to blame others for all my boring conversations. No one ever seemed to engage with me. It was normal for people to bring out their phones during our conversation. Normal for people to leave abruptly out of boredom.

“Nothing I can do,” I thought.

In a moment of self-reflection, I realized:

I WAS the guy giving the one-word answers. People weren’t engaging with me because I wasn’t engaging them.

I was too focused on how unengaged others were, I was blind to how unengaged I was.

It was a big aha moment. 

The more I actively engage with others the more they actively engage with me. My conversations became more interesting, easier to keep going, and more engaging. People started to enjoy talking to me and came to me to follow up our conversation. 

All I did was change the way I responded to them.

Sure, the other person might be asking boring questions. But giving boring answers doesn’t help. As they walk away out of boredom they’re not thinking “Man, I lacked engaging questions”. They think “He was difficult to talk to”.

Here’s how to make it easy for people to talk to you:

1. Give factual questions more than they asked for.

A conversation grows from the words you water it with.

Too much water will kill a plant. Talking too much kills a conversation. It turns into a rant.

But starving a plant of water kills it faster.

Introverts tend to starve the conversation of words.

They keep what they share to a bare minimum, giving only the information asked of them. But a conversation isn’t a courtroom discussion. You're free to share more than was asked. This helps grow a lush conversation.

Start by creating more conversational paths others can carry the conversation down.

Let's say someone asked you: “What did you do this weekend?”

If you say: “I went on a hike”

It’s harder for someone to keep the conversation going because the only path available is hiking. To someone disinterested in hiking, this becomes a roadblock.

But if instead you say:

“I went on a hike this weekend with some friends. We saw this beautiful bald eagle in the trees and I got some amazing pictures of it.”

Suddenly you’ve opened a lot more paths of conversation. The other person can bring up hiking, weekends, friends, eagles, and photography. 

All from 2 sentences, far from a rant.

2. Answer Yes and No questions with more than yes or no.

Yes or no questions are so bland they tend to break a conversation's legs. But most people you meet will ask you these questions anyway. The only thing we can control is how we respond.

To avoid crash-landing the conversation, answer with more than just yes or nO.

Did you have a good day? → Yes, I had a productive day at work, came home, and cooked a delicious pasta before heading out.

Did you go on vacation? → Yes, we went camping over the holidays and spent a ton of time on the beach.

Is this your first time at this restaurant? → No, last time I was here I went with a group of friends from high school, I haven’t seen them in forever.

By answering with more than yes or no you make it a lot easier to engage with you because it opens more paths of conversation.

Create more paths and your conversations will grow.

Do you feel like you’re too boring to have interesting conversations? Check these out:

• 📢 If you think you're boring read this

• 📢 Never run out of things to say ever again

• 📢 If you don't think you're funny read this

• 📢How to avoid awkward small talk

P.S. What is the best conversation advice you’ve ever received? I’d love to know.