3 Reasons why being an introvert is a social superpower that gives you an advantage over extraverts (if you know how to use it)

When I first started learning social skills, I consumed everything I could get my hands on:

hundreds of YouTube videos, dozens of books, courses, and coaching sessions. A lot of people promised to help me "become more extroverted." They convinced me that if you want to have a good social life, you need to be an extrovert.

I bought into it, diving headfirst.

Many of these lessons worked—I wouldn’t say I’m worse off because of them.

But as I socialized, I felt like I was playing a character, like I was putting on this extroverted act, trying to make everyone like me. For a time, I accepted my fate. Maybe this was the price I needed to pay as an introvert if I wanted to end my loneliness.

It still didn’t help me feel like less of a fraud.

Things changed when I took an interest in introverted psychology. I found research highlighting the advantages of being an introvert in a world that never stops talking. I realized that by casting aside my introverted nature, I had thrown the baby out with the bathwater.

So I decided to change my approach.

Instead of fighting against it, I leaned into my introverted nature. I began experimenting, combining insights from introverted psychology with what I had learned about social skills.

The results were amazing.

I felt a calmness around people I had never experienced before. Socializing seemed to flow naturally, without forcing it. Others seemed to notice, too. Without my extroverted mask on, I was connecting with people better than ever.

It’s like this: extroverts are like dandelions, able to survive anywhere. Introverts are more like orchids—fragile, but breathtaking given the proper care. The same traits that make introverts prone to social anxiety also underlie their exceptional ability to connect with others.

Without nurturing, introverts may end up friendless, afraid to speak, and relying on anti-anxiety medication. But with the right guidance, they can become the strongest leaders and most beloved peers.

I’m not saying you can become as good at socializing as an extrovert. I’m saying you can surpass them.

Reason #1: Introverts Are Better Listeners Than Talkers

Has anyone ever described you as "quiet"?

Often, it’s said with a critical undertone, urging you to speak up more. Society praises extroverts because they attract attention. This might work on the movie screen, but in real life, talking nonstop can hurt relationships.

Take this research by Tamir, D.I., & Mitchell, J.P at Harvard University.

they found that people who talk about themselves feel closer to the person they’re speaking to. Talking about oneself is rewarding because it makes them feel heard. These positive feelings become associated with the listener.

By making others feel good about themselves, you make them feel good about you.

This gives introverts an advantage.

Extroverts, eager to share their own stories, often find it harder to focus on someone else.

As a result, they struggle to form meaningful connections. Introverts, however, are slower to speak and find it easier to let others do the talking, allowing their listening skills to do the bonding.

Introverts are also naturally more curious.

One look at the scientific community reveals this. By channeling that curiosity into conversations, social interactions become easier.

An introvert's tendency to be quiet and listen is a strength, not a weakness.

Reason #2: Introverts are deeper thinkers.

Introverts tend to be more aware of their surroundings.

According to child psychologist Jerome Kagan, the part of the brain that controls our awareness is more sensitive in introverts. This heightened awareness makes introverts more observant than extroverts. In one study, children were asked to find the exact match to an image from six options. Introverted children succeeded more often due to their increased observational skills.

This gives you an edge in conversation.

You’re more attuned to social cues and emotions.

You can guide conversations past small talk into more meaningful discussions, something extroverts often find unnatural. Paired with your natural curiosity, you’ll find it easier to introduce a wider range of ideas into the conversation.

Maybe you’ve noticed that, even though you don’t speak much, the other person ends up talking about ideas you brought up. Extroverts often run topics into the ground, while introverts tend to keep conversations fresh.

That’s your introverted nature at work—lean into it.

Reason #3: Introverts are a lot more sensitive and empathetic.

As an introverted kid, were you often called "sensitive" by parents or teachers?

Did your parents ever apologize on your behalf, saying, “Don’t mind him, he’s just a bit sensitive”? Sensitivity is often labeled a weakness—especially for men. But it's actually one of our greatest strengths. Our sensitivity to other people’s emotions makes us more empathetic than extroverts, allowing us to form deeper relationships.

This skill is harder for extroverts to develop.

Extroverts often have many friendly acquaintances, but introverts usually cultivate fewer, deeper friendships. The good news is that it’s much easier to learn how to create a friendly acquaintance than it is to turn a friendly acquaintance into a close friend.

NOTE: There’s nothing wrong with having friendly acquaintances—being close friends with everyone would be exhausting. But if you only have surface-level relationships, it can leave you feeling lonely.

For introverts, forming deep connections comes more naturally than it does for extroverts.

Soon, I was forming much stronger bonds with people than my extroverted counterparts. It helped me turn polite acquaintances into lifelong friends.

All while taking advantage of my introverted nature.

P.S. If you haven’t already. Please answer the question at the top of the email because it helps me know how to best help you. Thanks