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📢 The simple trick to banishing awkward silences to the underworld

Have heavenly conversations that make people want to talk to you more.

Author

Justus Bosch
November 01, 2024

Hey It’s Justus,

Today, in 5min or less, you will learn:

  • Awkward silences greatest weakness.

  • What everyone thinks of you when it goes quiet.

  • What I learned from creating awkward silences on purpose.

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The small (but powerful) trick to banishing awkward silences to the underworld and having heavenly conversations that make people want to talk to you more.

If you'd rather be put into a body bag and beaten against a cactus instead of sitting through another awkward silence.

Check this out

Once you realize this one thing, awkward silences aren't awkward anymore.

An awkward silence can make you feel like everyone's eyes are on you, waiting for you to say something. But if you’re anything like me and many other introverts, finding something to say is difficult under pressure. 

All in all, awkward silences suck.

I hated awkward silences so much I developed a whole routine to avoid them.

If an awkward silence showed its ugly head I’d eject myself from the conversation. I’d say I had to go to the bathroom or make a phone call. I’d sheepishly leave before coming back and talking to someone else.

I kept this up until I ended up in the corner on my phone.

I asked a confident person I knew how they avoided awkward silences.

To my surprise he said he couldn’t help me, he had awkward silences as well. He felt like it was his job to fill the void. Thinking back, I remember having an awkward silence with him.

Turns out both of us we’re scrabbling for something to say.

I thought he was waiting for me to say something, but he was feeling the same way. 

So, I asked others. Everyone said felt like it was their job to fill the silence.

Nobody said they were waiting for others to talk.

It struck me.

Awkward silences feel awkward because you think others are waiting for you to talk. 

When you come up dry you feel embarrassed. But the other person isn’t waiting for you to say something, they’re also trying to come up with something to say. 

They think you're waiting for them.

To test this I decided to create awkward silences on purpose.

I fought the urge to fill the silence and let it sit. I'd wait in silence and the other person always scrambled to fill the void. To my surprise, when I stayed quiet and calmly looked at me, they just kept talking. It was like magic. 

Awkward silences weren’t awkward anymore.

It’s not your job to fill every conversational pothole.

Action Step: 

Go out and seek an awkward silence and sit in it.

Notice how others are scrambling for something to say and not paying attention to you. How if you let it sit they eventually keep talking. Remember this every time a conversation goes quiet.

That’s a wrap!

See you next Friday,

— Justus Bosch

Before you go:

P.S. Today’s newsletter is shorter than usual. I’ve got something big in the works I’m exited to share with you soon. Be on the lookout, I think you’ll like it.