not clickbait, friendship bait

Making friends is a lot like fishing. If you want to catch the right fish, you need the right bait.

We’re afraid to share our interests and opinions because we’re worried about being judged by others. Instead, we nod and go along with whatever the other person is talking about.

Every time you hide your honest self, you miss out on a chance to connect with a like-minded person. You fumble an opportunity to make a real friend.

This is especially true for out-of-the-ordinary interests and opinions.

I, for instance, am an anime fan. In my circle, it’s an uncommon interest. Some people think it's weird, which makes fans hesitant to share. For a while, I never shared my interest because I worried others would judge me.

That was an idiotic move.

My unwillingness to be honest prevented me from connecting with people I would have otherwise become good friends with.

For instance, I had this acquaintance I’d talked to a few times about nothing memorable. I knew him for over a year before I was brave enough to share my interest in anime openly. Turns out he was a huge fan as well. Our shared interest turned into a friendship I have to this day.

I likely missed out on a year's worth of friendship because I was too afraid to share myself.

The bait is you.

If you want to attract like-minded people into your life, you need to share yourself with others. Will some people judge you?

Yes.

Some people thought I was weird for liking anime and pulled away. This is a good thing. By judging me without trying to understand, they showed me they weren’t someone I’d want to be friends with in the first place.

The friendships I gained from being honest are worth the price of a few judgy eyes.

Put out the right bait to attract the people you like:

• Skip the small talk if you want to find people who also hate small talk

• Share your weird hobbies, interests or opinions.

• If you like intellectual people, ask big questions and gauge people's responses.

• If you like spontaneous, people invite others to fun spontaneous stuff.

• If you like vulnerable people, ask personal questions.

It might make some people uncomfortable, but you’ll quickly find the people you’re looking for.

Put out strong bait. Some fish will ignore it, others will be repelled, but some will become hooked.

That’s a wrap!

— Justus Bosch

P.S. when people say their are other fish in the sea…