📢 How to address the elephant in the room

You know it when you see it.

A massive 7-ton, big-eared, tusked elephant with a trunk hitting in your face stands in the room. But no one says a thing. It is the tension you feel but ignore. It's the fight you pretend never happened, the hurtful comment you pretend isn’t a big deal. 

One elephant is enough to ruin a relationship. Plus it makes being around that person unpleasant.

Yesterday we talked about the danger of ignoring problems like these. If you haven’t already, check it out:

📢 There is no such thing as a dragon, a fable

But how do you address the elephant without having it step on you, making the situation worse?

3 steps to addressing the elephant in the room without offending people, losing your job or a relationship.

1. Don’t ask, Guess

Difficult questions can quickly make people defensive. It feels like you're flashing a light right in their eyes.

Instead, guess what the issue is.

• Did you not like what I said? → I’m guessing you didn’t like what I said.

• Are you mad that I was late? → I’m guessing you're mad I'm late.

• Did I hurt your feelings? → I’m guessing I hurt your feelings.

This redirects the light towards the issue instead of them. Stopping them from getting defensive.

2. Let them correct you.

People are much more comfortable correcting falsities than they are delivering the truth.

Because you’re guessing, you're admitting you might be wrong, allowing them to correct you.

• When you say: I’m guessing you didn’t like what I said.

• They will respond with: It’s not that I didn’t like it, it's just X, Y and Z

What's cool is now they are telling you exactly how they feel.

Instead of trying to pull their elephant, you let them lead it towards you.

3. Seek real understanding

Our first instinct is to defend ourselves by listing all the reasons they are wrong.

But that only makes them hold onto their beliefs harder. Instead, try to understand them by listening and asking questions. Once they feel understood, they will reciprocate by trying to understand you.

This is the only way you can change minds.

If you want other tactical strategies to better deal with people join the Charisma Gym

If you’ve subscribed, you're probably someone who wants to get better at dealing with people. Maybe you’ve tried reading books and watching videos on charisma. You think if you had enough head knowledge, you could shortcut your way to becoming charismatic. 

STOP. 

This is analysis paralysis, it’s what stops most guys from improving their social skills. The only way you actually improve at talking to people is by talking to people. But practicing in public is intimidating.

That's why I created the Charisma Gym.

Inside you can get 3 weekly workouts where we exercise your social skills live in different situations. Plus you get access to a community of people to make it fun. This way you’ll be ready the next time you go out.

Join now to claim one of the 100 free lifetime memberships. After they fill up it will cost money to join.

Join HERE before spots run out.

That’s a wrap!

— Justus Bosch

P.S. Putting the elephant in the room on trial… (this is a great comic)